Mayonnaise & Aspirin Sandwich

When I was very young (around 5 or 6 years old I guess), I was unable to swallow pills. So my Mother, just like most moms, had to come up with inventive ways to get the medicine into me. I was the youngest of four children, so perhaps she had been down this road before. Anyway, she would take the time to crush-up a couple of Bayer aspirins and mix it with Duke's mayonnaise (or was it Miracle Whip). She would then spread this concoction on a couple of slices of bread, thus making a Mayonnaise & Aspirin (M & A) sandwich! It worked very well and all was fine with the world.

Then came that fateful day when I got sick enough for our family doctor to come to see me. You have to remember that this was a long, long time ago when doctors actually made house calls. Our doctor was Dr. Richey Siau. He was a wonderful guy who in my mind was all powerful and could undoubtedly cure any medical problem in existence. After he had examined me, I distinctly remember him telling my mother that it wasn't anything serious and to just give me a couple of aspirin to reduce the fever. Bless her heart - she then proceeded to tell him that she would first have to make that sandwich for me.

Well, you would have thought that she had just revealed the most disgusting secret the world had ever heard. Dr. Siau immediately told my mother to get him a glass of water and then leave the room. I expected my mother to stand there and protect me, but instead she dutifully brought the glass of water and then left the room - closing the door behind her.

There I was - face to face and alone with the all knowing doctor! He placed an aspirin in the palm of my left hand and the glass of water in the other hand. He told me in a very firm voice that there would be no more Mayonnaise & Aspirin sandwiches and directed me to put the aspirin on my tongue and wash it down with the water. Now, all of my past experiences with this process resulted in a lot of choking and crying on my part (the exact reason why the M & A sandwich was created), but for some strange reason, I swallowed the aspirin without a hitch.

I'm pretty sure that I recovered from my illness in a short period of time, but the most important thing about Dr. Siau's visit that day was the fact that my Mother never had to make me another M & A sandwich.